from The BGP Gathering Space
Victim or Victor, You Choose
contributed by Shaunelle Curry

What is the difference between VICTIM and VICTOR?

Over the summer, I began to prepare curriculum for the awesome work of connecting with women in domestic violence shelters. One of the questions I asked myself in this preparation was, “What is the difference between victim and victor?”

I had my own ideas, but I perused Webster as well. It defined a victim as “one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions; one that is subjected to oppression, hardship or mistreatment.” Victor, however, is “one that defeats an enemy or opponent: winner.” Even still, victory is “achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties.”

Both victim and victor imply some battle, some struggle that has taken place. But, while a victim’s story ends with the oppression, hardship and the subsequent wounds, the victor continues on toward mastery through overcoming the odds of what would appear to be her reasonable chances of success.

What is the difference between victim and victor? Two letters found at the end of each word. The difference is what happens in the end. Everything leading up to the ‘i’ and the ‘m,’ and the ‘o’ and the ‘r’ are the same. The beginning may appear to be out of our hands at the moment, but we choose our ending.

Going back to my classroom teaching days, we can use an acronym as an example:
VICTIM
Vile
Injustice
Causing
Trauma and an
Injured
Mindset

VICTOR
Vile
Injustice
Causing
Trauma and an
Opportunity to
Rise

Vile Injustice Causing Trauma can serve as our experience, the backdrop of our choice to stay a victim or to rise to a victor. And yes, I do say our choice. The way in which our story ends has little to do with how it begins. It has more to do with whether we settle for an Injured Mindset, or we take our Opportunity to Rise. We choose this all day everyday in both large and small ways.

I was telling a friend what a rough week I had last week. It was filled with tension, struggle and strain. Most of that struggle and strain took place right inside my mind. As I teeter-tottered between remaining a victim to inconvenient circumstances and rising to my highest, I asked myself a question.

“How do I want this story to end? What do I choose?” My answer: I want to rise. Now, I laugh here because it wasn’t some Hollywood superstar ending. There was no theme music, no cheers, and no thunderous applause. And to be perfectly honest, it is a process. I have gained much ground and have claimed ultimate victory as mine.

A definite battle did ensue…right inside of me. When I stayed in my injured mindset, I blamed, I fumed, I cursed, I constricted, and I saw evil and ill will all around me. When I stood in my opportunity to rise, I forgave, I nurtured, I loved, I excelled, and I saw a multitude of blessings to be grateful for. One moment I was kicking myself for not doing what I should have done, the next moment I was forgiving myself and realigning with my ultimate vision.

This was a dance that took place within me as I struggled to rise, to get up and stay up. I was as the toddler, striving to find that point of balance, that center, to stand and to walk evenly. And as neurotic as the process may sound, I began to ascend, to feel joy, to feel lighter and to accomplish more successfully and compassionately for longer periods of time. I began to practice gratitude for the struggle itself and for the wombman it was chiseling out in me.

This is a personal example, but we have living examples all around us. As we have endured many natural disasters and subsequent human disaster due to apathy and systemized oppression, we have seen the battle between the injured mindset and the victor. Many of us have taken the opportunity to rise and to aid others in rising by giving in service, opening our homes, providing opportunities and employment, giving donations and helping to rebuild lives. In this way, humanity expands and ascends. In this way, we ensure our victory.

So if, as you go about your week, you find yourself in the midst of oppression, hardship, maltreatment, injury, destruction, or inconvenient circumstance, ask yourself one question.

“How do I intend, this day, to use this opportunity to rise?”


Shaunelle Curry is the founder of The Butterfly Garden Project and The BGP Online, a wombman’s wellness resource dedicated to elevating women to our inherent divinity and power as co-Creators of a dynamic, harmonious, love-enriched Universe.

Visit The BGP Online later this week for a wonderful article entitled, "Life Coaching: The new way to ignite your full potential," by Caroline Shola Arewa, international speaker and life coach. You will have an opportunity to sign up for her free 7-day e-course on Creating Ease.

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Blessings!
The Women of The Butterfly Garden Project